I dumped another emotionally unavailable guy. At least this time it was me putting it away.
Rewind to Friday night.
I reconnected with someone I thought I'd be married to from 12 years ago. Lots of crap happened, things ended badly and here we are now. Him divorced and me... Still single. Lots of admissions of love and blah blah blah. Promises of changing things and blah blah blah. Nice to hear and entertaining, but probably empty. I mean what I say but most people don't follow that same principle. But one thing really hit home with me. I'd rather leave what I have right now for probable nothing.
So, apparently what I've been devoting myself to for two months is empty, meaningless bullshit and I am still in love with someone who broke my heart to literal pieces 12 years ago. I think I need therapy. I know I don't believe him. I know he's gonna break my heart again. It did make me remember how it felt to be adored - fake or not.
I think back on the past twelve months and see how much I have put myself out there for love. I tried over and over again and it has gotten me right where I am right now. I don't believe in anyone's so called love for me. Cause it's just steaming garbage. What I have learned is not to do anything for a man. They don't appreciate it anyway. Then, once you've done all you can, they leave you when you need them the most, marry someone else or let you know you made no impact and they'll never regret not having more of you. And all three happened in a span of years before... But to have all three happen within a twelve month span in 2011 makes me think perhaps it's a sign to get the hell out of the game. It's like winning the love loser lottery. Except I really didn't gain anything.
Well, fucking ouch.
Rewind to Friday night.
I reconnected with someone I thought I'd be married to from 12 years ago. Lots of crap happened, things ended badly and here we are now. Him divorced and me... Still single. Lots of admissions of love and blah blah blah. Promises of changing things and blah blah blah. Nice to hear and entertaining, but probably empty. I mean what I say but most people don't follow that same principle. But one thing really hit home with me. I'd rather leave what I have right now for probable nothing.
So, apparently what I've been devoting myself to for two months is empty, meaningless bullshit and I am still in love with someone who broke my heart to literal pieces 12 years ago. I think I need therapy. I know I don't believe him. I know he's gonna break my heart again. It did make me remember how it felt to be adored - fake or not.
I think back on the past twelve months and see how much I have put myself out there for love. I tried over and over again and it has gotten me right where I am right now. I don't believe in anyone's so called love for me. Cause it's just steaming garbage. What I have learned is not to do anything for a man. They don't appreciate it anyway. Then, once you've done all you can, they leave you when you need them the most, marry someone else or let you know you made no impact and they'll never regret not having more of you. And all three happened in a span of years before... But to have all three happen within a twelve month span in 2011 makes me think perhaps it's a sign to get the hell out of the game. It's like winning the love loser lottery. Except I really didn't gain anything.
Well, fucking ouch.
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